Mayor Luke Ravenstahl's "311" Hotline

There I am, lost in a cloud of snow, completely forgotten. Frustration doesn't begin to cover it. Here in Pittsburgh, our fine boy mayor has set up a snow removal task force that city residents can access by dialing 311. Sounds pretty efficient, doesn't it? Hell....they even have PUBLICITY PHOTOS of the fine boy mayor manning the phones himself. What a dedicated guy, right?

Let me give you a realistic picture of actually calling 311...

1. BE PREPARED FOR BUSY SIGNALS. (A LOT) ... 'TEST THE PATIENCE OF JOB' A LOT. I called repeatedly ALL DAY yesterday till I finally got a ringing phone instead of a busy signal.

2. When you do finally get through, this is what you will hear:

"Hello! You have reached Mayor Luke Ravenstahl's SNOW REMOVAL HOTLINE. You may leave a message or wait for the next available line. If you choose to leave a message, push 1. Otherwise, stay on the line. Calls are being answered in the order they are received."

3. You will then hear more ringing... (which is confusing, because you thought you were on hold.) I called the hotline yesterday and actually persevered until I spoke with someone....and today, the 'ringing phone' at this point in the procedure rang ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY TIMES! (I held on like a pit bull.)

When it connected to something, it was another recording.

4. "You may leave a message by pushing '1' now, or hold the line. Your call is 4th in queue." Then, the dreaded 'MUZAK'.

5. After 5 minutes or so on hold, tortured by bad music and muttering to yourself "This is RIDICULOUS" - you will finally get a human being who will ask your name, address, daytime phone number, and what street you are calling about.

(This part posed a problem for me because my street address is a main artery and is perfectly clear, but to access where I have to park, I must travel along two forgotten little alleys that have not been touched by city snow removal since the storm came in last Friday.) If this happens to you, you are stuck because the person on the line will insist on one street address, one only. The reasonable thing would be to describe the conditions IN YOUR IMMEDIATE NEIGHBORHOOD and why access is impossible, but there is nothing 'reasonable' in how they have this Chinese fire drill set up.

"Shall I say you live at ___________?"

"I don't....but YES, say whatever you have to say. No one has been here, and I read in the Post-Gazette online today that my area of the city is one of the ones that were 'blitzed' yesterday. IT WASN'T BLITZED....I HAVEN'T SEEN A PLOW OR A SALT TRUCK. Where are the crews now?"

"I'm sorry, I don't have access to that information, but I'll put your request in."

"I called yesterday too. They didn't have information then either, even though this neighborhood was on their blitz list."

"I'm sorry. I'll put your request through."

This entire process took approximately one half hour to make a simple call.

Last night was my lowest point after being home all week with only one attempt out on Wednesday- which resulted in getting horribly stranded in ruts - so in desperation (and SINCE THE 311 HOTLINE said it was operating 24 HOURS A DAY) I called again at 7:30 pm.

"You have reached MAYOR LUKE RAVENSTAHL'S 311 Snow Removal Hotline. We are currently closed. If you would like to leave a message, push 1."

I pushed 1.

Recording: "If you would like to leave a message on the 311 hotline, record it now".....(slight pause. I said, "I...")

"A message has NOT been recorded. Goodbye."

Like a monkey, I did this 3 times with the same infuriating result.

The MESSAGE here, folks, is don't believe what you read in the papers or hear on the news. The Mayor's response has been terribly lax and the cameras are only running when something goes RIGHT.

I'm here to give you a glimpse of the reality, and it's bureaucracy to the MAX. Inefficient, impersonal and poorly organized.

On a scale of one to ten, I'd give Ravenstahl's performance a '2' for getting the main roads in condition, a '1' for the side and tertiary roads, BUT A BIG OLD ZERO for putting publicity spins on this that just aren't so, and that REALLY pisses me off.

(Oh...and as for the Mayor being up in the Laurel Highlands when this big monster front came through, not even in the city with the rest of us- and in the WORST possible place to get out of quickly in a snow storm...celebrating his 30th birthday) his response to not being here when the city needed him was, "No one could have predicted this."

WRONG. THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAD PUT OUT BULLETINS SINCE THURSDAY OF LAST WEEK. The local news stations were buzzing with precautions. We all knew this was gonna hit.


Where was the BIRTHDAY BOY'S mind? Sheesh!